How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
