true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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