Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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