I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Randomize
