My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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