I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
