the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Randomize
