Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
