he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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