I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
