He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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