Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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