I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
