singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
