you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
