i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
