Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
