Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
