Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How naked do you want me to be?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
