Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
