What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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