I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
