No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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