I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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