I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
