Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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