as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
