Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
