It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
