he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
