I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
how drunk are you?
Several
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
