Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
