Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
