I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
