i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just cut my nipple shaving
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
