I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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