Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
