turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
FUCK WHALES
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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