Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
