How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
no, he came in my armpit
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When are your genitals available?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
