listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
