she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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