His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
