I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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