totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
