Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
