I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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