I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
