I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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