I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
