can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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