You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
