then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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